What was literally outside my window?
The Icelandic Phallological Museum.
The Icelandic Phallological Museum?!!!
Oh, I was so going there.
Especially since I got dropped off at Kex Hostel - Reykjavik - Iceland, only a block away.
I circled back to the museum and giggled at what I saw on the far right of the window. The "Member of the Month" is a giraffe's *ahem.*
There are 280 animal *ahems* and one human *ahem.* The whale *ahem* is taller than me! I know, because I took a picture standing next to it. It's natural history! Yeah! Natural history!
I would say it's the "wandering" part of "Wandering Chopsticks," except that there is a food component involving a horse's *ahem* covered in rosemary and other spices. Really! I can't make this stuff up!
At this point, I should give the big WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK caution. Also, WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR THOSE WHO ARE EASILY OFFENDED. But, if you're a pruriently curious weirdo, like most of my Facebook readers seemed to be when I queried about whether I should blog this, then go right ahead and click below.
Lastly, before I continue, I'm not prudish, but I'm choosing not to use the actual terms on the blog so that my and your ads won't become inappropriate. Please refrain from using them in comments as well. So you can continue to procrastinate at work with safe images.
Now, I have to admit that I knew the Icelandic Phallological Museum existed since I saw a documentary about it years ago. It was an odd, quirky thing that I filed in the back of my mind and didn't think much about.
Until it was literally in front of my face!
Bwahaha! "Member of the Month." A giraffe's *ahem.*
I peered into the window and saw shotglasses. I collect shotglasses from my travels, but I could not make myself buy one of these. Now, I kinda wish I had. :P
I went in to explore, but admission was 1,000 Icelandic krona ($8 USD). Cash only. I'd been using my credit card solely up to this point, but there was no way I could pass this up. So I walked a couple of blocks to an ATM, got confused and tried to withdraw more than my daily limit before I realized I moved the zero in the wrong direction. Cash in hand, I finally got to enter the Icelandic Phallological Museum.(Spell check keeps wanting to correct me. Do I mean philological? Pharmacological? Phonological? Physiological? Well, this is physiologically-related...)
Now, I like tea parties, but no, just no. I couldn't bring myself to buy the teacups either. In front of the tea cups are bull pizzles. Yes, bull *ahems* that are evidently used as cattle whips and what started the founder, Sigurður Hjartarson's, whole collection. He opened the museum in 1997, and it's now run by his son, Hjörtur Gísli Sigurðsson. There are now 280 specimens from 93 species, including 55 from whales, 36 from seals, 118 land mammals, and even some imaginary ones.
Hehe. No, I didn't buy the T-shirts either.
Can you guess what the lights are made of?
Not the *ahem,* but the sack. Created by the founder himself. Lights! Who would ever want this as a decoration?
And yes, this chandelier is made out of sacks too.
More sack lights!
That was just the gift shop area!
Upon entrance, this was to my immediate left.
And the far side. It's not really that big of a museum, but tons of artifacts.
That tall item in the display case? That's a blue whale's *ahem* and measures 67 inches long. I told you it was taller than me! And that's only the tip! The whole thing would be 16 feet long!
This news clipping shows what it looks like attached to a whale. Who knew?!
These belong to a blue whale and a killer whale. Ouch! The one on the right looks spiky and scary!
Another blue whale's, I believe.
A whole wall of *ahems.*
The bull pizzle on the left is the very first specimen of the museum, given as a gift in 1974 to the founder when he was a child, and spurred his interest in all animal-related *ahem.* The one on the right is an officer's stick from the French army circa 1890.
Look, bull's pizzle was even mentioned by William Shakespeare.
These are horse's *ahems* covered in salt, sage, basil, thyme, dill, nutmeg, rosemary, oregano, and marjoram. I don't know who would eat this?!!!
This crushed reindeerhorn should help you perform, but the side effect says, "If too much is taken, the neck will stiffen or the right ankle and you will lose all desire for women." Kind of a Catch-22 there.
Ram sacks. Used literally as sacks!
These are horses' *ahems* and it didn't say what they were used for.
Minke whales on top. The little one on the bottom is the common dolphin's.
Did you know baculum is the scientific word for the bones inside *ahems*? I didn't either until one of my readers mentioned it in the Facebook discussion about this post. These are actually pretty tiny if you can't tell by the photo.
However, those walrus *ahem* bones on the bottom of the display case were not! Ouch!
Reindeer, pig, and boar *ahems.* They come spiraled?!
This certificate establishes the authenticity of the one human donation thus far, which was given in 2011.
Unfortunately, it didn't make it to the museum in time so it's not the best preserved version. The dude was 95 years old! Come on! Three other humans have pledged to donate theirs to the museum when the time comes.
Animals are one thing, but it doesn't seem right to have the human version on the blog. So you can click over and see it on my Flickr page if you wish. In describing the photo: on the left is Pall Arason's donation, and in the middle is someone's balls, and the far right is someone's foreskin. Ewww! See? It's pruriently fascinating when it's a whale, not so much when it's a human.
This makes me giggle. The smallest specimen measures less than 2 millimeters.
It belongs to a hamster. So small that a magnifying glass was rigged up so you can just barely see.
These are the imaginary ones. From the upper left going clockwise, elf, which in Icelandic folklore is invisible so you see nothing; nicor; beach murmurer; and seabull.
Whoa! This belongs to an elephant.
Another killer whale.
More minke whales.
The biggest one is whale obviously. Where does man rank on this chart? That would be all the way on the far, far right as the smallest one. Yup, men rank below dogs, which is the next to last one.
The museum is oddly fascinating at first.
Then after I while, it started feeling weird because these appendages were disassociated with the rest of bodies. They were just weirdly formed things in glass cases. (The upright case on the right is a narwhal's.)
The museum was really quite small so I only spent about half an hour inside.
It used to be located at the college, where the founder taught, then moved to small village and is now located on Laugavegur, a popular shopping street.
Colorful teapots. Quite a contrast to what was on the previous block.
As I walked along Laugavegur, I caught sight of the Sun Voyager sculpture and veered toward the sea.
One final note, as I was writing this post, I looked up the website for the museum to link to it and giggled nonstop over the URL: phallus.is.
I told you! I can't make this stuff up!
All Europe posts can be read in Series: Europe, but I suggest reading the Iceland trip in this order:
Saigon's Bakery and Sandwiches - San Gabriel
Kex Hostel - Reykjavik - Iceland
Blue Lagoon - Grindavik - Iceland
Icelandic Phallological Museum - Reykjavik - Iceland
Sun Voyager - Reykjavik - Iceland
Mid-Atlantic Ridge - Thingvellir National Park - Iceland
Gullfoss (Golden Falls) - Iceland
Great Geysir and Strokkur - Haukadalur - Iceland
Icelandic Kea Skyr Drykkur Mango Astaraldin (Passionfruit)
Jokulsarlon (Glacier Lagoon) - Iceland
Icelandic Phallological Museum
+354 561 6663
11 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Admission: 1,000 ISK. Cash only.
1 year ago today, Vegetarian Shanghai Noodles with Spinach and Onions.
2 years ago today, Lil' Sis Ran the Disneyland Half Marathon.
3 years ago today, lil' sis's afternoon in Downtown Portland - Oregon.
4 years ago today, Banh Dua Nuong (Vietnamese Coconut Tartlets).
5 years ago today, Lavender Biscuits.